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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26309203">Affluent Affairs</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhaized/pseuds/Rhaized'>Rhaized</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>His Dark Materials (TV), His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman, The Golden Compass (2007)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon end-game, Extramarital Affairs, F/M, Falling In Love, Lord Asriel has another affair, Marisa can't stand it, Politics, Pre-Canon, Primarily Lord Asriel POV, Rewriting a story I published a long time ago, Sexual Tension, Sometimes Marisa and OC POV, The OC's name is Vanessa and she is a very lovely girl, Their volatile relationship with a twist, Vanessa is nonetheless no Marisa Coulter, very light lime</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:26:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,015</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26309203</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhaized/pseuds/Rhaized</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Look at me, Asriel." She was closer now, and Asriel looked up to see the intensity of her entire being. He felt it, too. Straight to the heart. "Look at me and tell me you don't care."</p><p>"I can't say that." His voice was low as he shifted his gaze away. "You know I can't say that."</p><p>"Then why are we doing this?" Her voice was softer now as she came closer. Asriel felt her hand rest on his knee, her touch light. He felt like he could hardly breathe.</p><p> OR</p><p> A story of another affair during THE affair set pre-canon, with an eventual canon end-game.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lord Asriel/Marisa Coulter, Lord Asriel/Original Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Asriel meets a remarkable, irresistable woman named Marisa Coulter.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'd written and published a version of this story on fanfic dot net several years ago—some of you might have read it there! After seeing the HBO/BBC series and returning to my fanfic with a renewed sense of obsession, I'd like to a) take a stab at rewriting this story as well as b) publish it here to share with this community.</p><p>I've always wondered how Marisa might have felt if Asriel had another affair, after she'd gotten frustrated with him/spent too much time with her husband. Part of me also wanted to see angsty Asriel get some flattering attention from someone else who wasn't quite as, er, psychotic as Marisa. And, of course, I wanted to share a possible story of how Marisa and Asriel first met and started their affair. It's very academic-y, at first.</p><p>Hence a story of another affair during THE affair set pre-canon, with an eventual canon end-game. I enjoyed initially writing this, as well as rewriting it now! I've got about 21,000 words of written content I am working with, so I hope to be able to update somewhat regularly, although I'm also writing my other stories concurrently because the obsession is real, y'all. So real and I can't help myself.</p><p>Anyway, I hope you enjoy this.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <b><em>o1.</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>
      
    </em>
  </b>
</p><p>Marisa Coulter had just taken a sip of wine when she saw a certain young woman and then choked.</p><p>Spluttering unflatteringly, Marisa dubbed the corner of her mouth with a handkerchief as her eyes narrowed. The woman had loosely-curled brown hair and dark green eyes, which shimmered<em> oh-so-perfectly </em> at the men standing all around her. Marisa gripped her wine glass tighter and felt her jaw start to clench as she continued to watch. This woman—no, <em> girl— </em> was wearing a tight-fitting gray dress that cut off at just below her knees. Her panda daemon was perched prettily at her legs, his face tilted up toward the other humans. In a lot of ways, she looked tremendously juvenile, as if she were someone’s teenage daughter who’d snuck into a party she wasn’t invited to. But Marisa knew very well that was not someone’s teenage daughter, and that she was here with <em> him. </em></p><p>"Oh gentlemen, you flatter me," she was saying, the hint of a laugh flecked into her high-pitched voice. "Asriel told me you'd be kind, but I never thought I'd get so much attention over some silly old article."</p><p>"It's not silly at all, my dear!" rasped an old man. "Experimental theology can use all of the insight and research it can get, and you've certainly contributed a considerable finding!"</p><p>So she was studying experimental theology. Marisa wrinkled her nose and let out a breath of frustration. The golden monkey climbed from the back of the sofa to her shoulder, chattering in her ear. <em> She probably just started. There's no way she's done any substantial work. She probably hasn't even been let into the Royal Arctic Institute! </em></p><p>"Tell them how you first got into it all, Vanessa." Marisa's chest tightened as Asriel came up from behind her, one hand on her waist and his other cupping his whisky glass. "I'll bet they've never heard a story like yours."</p><p>That was it. Swinging the monkey onto her right shoulder, Marisa picked up her clutch and made her way over to the other end of the room, taking care to detour right by them. A few people looked up and uttered their greetings, those sappy, pathetic smiles still plastered all over their faces. When Marisa was directly beside Asriel and the girl, she turned her head to stare directly at him.</p><p>Gray eyes met blue, and for a short instant, Marisa sensed everything she'd ever felt about him. The monkey gripped her shoulder as she remembered his wide, arrogant smile and his large, tender hand. She felt herself shudder as she remembered the way he stared at her like she was the only person in the universe. There was something almost resembling hysteria threatening to overwhelm her, and as she looked away to gaze instead at Vanessa, whose eyes were crinkled in the midst of a laugh, Marisa felt something even stronger fight its way through her system.</p><p>Marisa <em> hated </em> her. She hated the way she smiled, the way she dressed, the way she talked. She hated <em> everything </em> about her, particularly the way she leaned comfortably into Asriel's embrace. Marisa couldn't <em> believe </em> how anyone could choose someone so strikingly ordinary as Vanessa over someone as <em> extra </em>ordinary as herself. And as she finally turned away, aware of his eyes watching her, Marisa hated more than anything else how much he was enjoying this. </p>
<hr/><p>
  <b><em>Two Years Earlier....</em> </b>
</p>
<hr/><p>Glancing down at his watch, which ticked and hummed at an alarmingly loud volume, Asriel threw aside his newspaper and downed the rest of his coffee. It was rather weak, but that was to be expected of a low-ranked hotel adorned with poor service and second-hand merchandise. Asriel left the mug right there on his desk as he rounded the corner, grabbed his coat, twisted the doorknob, and left without a sound, his daemon right on his tail. If it were up to him, he'd never come back, but he unfortunately had a string of research presentations he had to suffer through for the next two days. Such was his life. </p><p>Asriel was a tall, broad-shouldered man with long hands, large feet, dark golden hair, and a generally bigger build to his frame. Not an overweight frame, really, but simply large in appearances. This might make one feel self-conscious since people were always so intimidated and threatened by bigger people, but for Asriel, he realized he could use it to his advantage. His snow leopard daemon had lush, silky fur and neat, bright patches of white on her chest and her paws. Her eyes blazed golden rays of unflinching tawny. People were afraid of Stelmaria as there were rumors that she ate whole human carcasses when she and Asriel were in the North. The thought made Asriel laugh, and he cuffed her on the shoulder blade. Stelmaria was fierce, but she was as tender and loyal as a daemon could be.</p><p>When they reached Jordan College, Asriel already felt himself sigh and grow weary as he watched all the old men in their finely-pressed suits gather to exchange hands and heartless greetings. <em> Typical academia. </em> Looking down at his own tweed blazer and thin dress shirt, he felt rather underdressed, but he really didn't care. Dressing up was for snobs, and Asriel was an <em> explorer. </em> Always had been. Stelmaria lashed her tail, and as the pair took a moment to calculate their next move, the unexpected happened.</p><p>She had long, beautiful dark hair that was curled and pinned partway up. Her eyes–shining faintly in the lamplight–were a light shade of blue. She wore a cedar-colored fur coat atop a sparkling beige dress that was tucked to the side with a broach, and her face was splashed with just the right amount of makeup. Stelmaria saw her first since she was looking out at the hallway. Her eyes were trained on a handsome golden monkey clinging to the woman's shoulder, his face and paws stained onyx while the rest of his body shimmered gold.</p><p>As she entered the room, her eyes slowly swiveled to meet his. It was if some kind of anbaric charge surged through him at that moment. Moving toward her, Asriel felt this strange, inexplicable sensation course through the pit of his stomach. Stelmaria felt it, too. As they stopped to greet her, taking in her curves and her milky skin, they realized that they've never seen a woman quite like her before.</p><p>"Hello," she mused, her voice quiet and even as she continued to gaze at him.</p><p>"Hello," he repeated, dipping his head and reaching out for her hand. She extended it, and as Asriel brushed his lips against the soft, smooth surface, he took in a sweet scent that was intoxicating yet somehow oddly metallic. He'd never smelled anything like that before. The sheer force of it somewhat disturbed him, but as he let go and her hand fell back to her side, he suddenly wanted more of it. </p><p>"Are you one of the presenters tonight?" Her tone was light and casual. She seemed thoroughly intrigued, although simultaneously uninterested. </p><p>"Not quite," Asriel responded, finding himself torn between an opportunity to brag about his research and an opportunity to find out more about this woman. He wondered why she was there in the first place. It was a scholarly convention composed of the brightest and (unfortunately) most sexist pigs in the industry. It didn’t seem like the kind of event she’d voluntarily be at (nor him, for that matter). Even more importantly, though, he wondered if she was accompanied and who her companion was. "I'm not slated to present tonight, but I am set to travel to the North in a month. I'm here to get the overview of the college's existing work so that I can build upon it with my own research."</p><p>"The North?" she echoed, her eyes suddenly bright. "How exciting… Will it be your first time?"</p><p>"No, it'll be my third. I've done a couple preliminary searches over the past few years, but this will be my first full-fledged research assignment."</p><p>"What is the focus of your research?"</p><p>"Experimental theology with a concentration on Rusakov theories."</p><p>Her eyes locked with his, and Asriel found himself lost in their shimmering blue depths. He wanted to skip beyond the small talk and get directly to who she was and if she wanted to get a drink afterwards but before he could do so, a man slipped between them and placed his hand on her waist. "Are you ready, my dear? They’re about to get started now."</p><p>Without a word, she nodded and then proceeded to turn around, allowing the man to utter a "good day" to Asriel and then usher her forward. The golden monkey glanced back at them, and Asriel felt a small smile play at the corner of his lips. Stelmaria rested her head against the side of his knee, and he found himself feeling oddly elated. <em> Giddy, </em>even.</p><p>Later, as the presentations came to an end, he saw her moving toward the refreshments–alone. Stelmaria watched from her perch near the table as the lady and the golden monkey came up to fill her coffee cup. As she set her cup down, she began to fiddle with the creamer.</p><p>"I never did catch your name." The woman paused to look over at him, her eyes flickering in the reflection of the nearby fireplace.</p><p>"Asriel," he said quickly, feeling his smile return and his heart start to race. "Asriel Belacqua."</p><p>"I'm Marisa Coulter." She held his gaze for a millisecond before stirring in her creamer and then turning back around, returning to the man with the steam-pressed tuxedo and the chameleon daemon.</p><p>Over the next few weeks he saw her every now and again in London, where he'd stayed to do more of his background research. She'd be at the library checking out a book or at one of the museums talking to some scholar. Though their eyes met every time in a sort of strained, distanced recognition, they never spoke a word to one another. She'd flash him a smile, light and fleeting, but would offer nothing more. He'd return it to find her slip away to focus back on her task or talk to her companion. Her presence alone was oddly comforting, though, so Asriel didn't mind.</p><p>The next time he actually talked to her was at the Royal Arctic Institute, where Asriel was scheduled to present some pre-expedition research at the bi-annual Northern Research Conference before he left for the North. He had put together meticulous records of the Aura's elements and functions, perhaps more so than any other scholar, and the Institute had gladly asked him to share his findings before he went away. He'd be leaving for Svalbard in only two days' time, so it was perhaps that which gave him the courage to go over to her.</p><p>She was standing by the Skraeling exhibit while peering into the glass, her daemon sitting with his arm crooked around her right leg. This time she wore a frilly white blouse with a matching skirt and she had her hair down, curled to rest fashionably on her shoulders.</p><p>As he approached her, Asriel reeled his brain for something to say. It'd be pathetic to just approach her and be utterly speechless, but he didn't want to ramble either. He didn't know why, but there was just something different about her. They'd only talked for a few minutes at the Jordan conference and he'd only watched her from afar since then, but he felt an odd urge to impress her. As Stemaria prowled along next to him and brushed his leg slightly, he felt something stir in the center of his chest that almost resembled nervousness.</p><p>She heard him coming before he was able to reach her and turned around to greet him, smiling.</p><p>"Asriel," she said, taking a moment to look at him. Asriel thought he caught her eyes flick quickly up and down. "How lovely to see you again."</p><p>"And you as well." He dipped his head to her, feeling his chest grow tighter and tighter at this formal flattery. A part of him softened as she extended her hand and let it linger within his. "How have you been?"</p><p>Naturally, he didn't <em> really </em>want to break the ice and chit-chat through pleasantries. One part of him wanted to get to the chase about who that man at the conference was, and another wanted to be so bold as to reach out and feel her hair.</p><p>She seemed to sense some kind of impatience coming from him, so she took a step closer and got right to it. "Aren't you leaving for the North soon?" </p><p>"I am, yes. I leave in two days."</p><p>"And how long until you return, and until we might bump into each other again?"</p><p>Stelmaria let out a puff of air, and Asriel felt his eyebrows shoot up. He hadn't expected that. She was being awfully sweet yet so devilishly brazen. She was definitely trying to play at something here. </p><p>"I'll be gone for six weeks," he answered, still trying to figure out where this was going. He couldn't help but glance down at her chest and her waist, and though he tried to hide it, he was sure she noticed. "And I might like to see you when I return." </p><p>He didn't know what made him say it. He was bolder than she'd been. Perhaps overly so. But by the way the golden monkey inched closer to Stelmaria and the way Marisa's eyes glittered at him, he was starting to think that maybe he wasn't so bold after all.</p><p>"I might like to see you as well," she replied, her mouth forming to reveal her perfectly white teeth encompassed by her rosy red lips. "But six weeks is a long while, and I'm not sure what my husband's agenda will be like."</p><p>Husband? Agenda? Asriel found his heart starting to race. He loved the way she kept up with his pace and provided that tantalizing allure that made him want to just wrap his arms around her. He didn't particularly like the fact that she was married, which he had already suspected, but it all somehow came together to make the entire thing even more thrilling.</p><p>"Maybe it'll work out, but maybe it won't." He shrugged his shoulders, watching her out of the corner of his eye. He thought he saw the corner of her lips twitch for a moment.</p><p>"Only time will tell," she sighed, glancing down at her watch and then bending down to gather her daemon. Her hair fell from out behind her ears as she did so, and a fresh, sweet scent raked Asriel's nostrils. He also fixed his eyes on her chest again as she lowered herself, but he averted his gaze as she came back up and pretended to be looking behind her at the Skraeling exhibit.</p><p>She stroked the monkey's ears a moment as she looked at him, biting her lip slightly, and she then moved to walk past him, pausing when she was standing beside him.</p><p>She was standing very, very close. Asriel felt the side of her chest just barely touching his arm. Her mouth was close to his ear, sending warm breaths tingling down his spine, and her scent enveloped him and made him close his eyes in a sudden swirl of bliss. "Good luck with your research, Asriel. I hope you gather enough for another conference."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Summary dialogue comes from a scene in ch. 5 :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Asriel begins spending time with Marisa.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <b> <em>o2.</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>
      
    </em>
  </b>
</p><p>The North was a barren, savage place, and it was not something to take lightly. Asriel had been waiting his entire life to do official research and to make a meaningful contribution to the field. He’d spent years reading other people’s data and taking only preliminary observations before he was allowed to conduct his own research and experiments for himself. As he measured and calculated the force of the Aurora and listened to the eerie silence flecked with bits of foreign, unworldly noise, he knew that he had something. He couldn't prove it, <em> yet, </em>but Asriel finally felt that he understood all of those tribal legends speaking of mysteries that whispered around the Aurora. It was real, and though there wasn't much he could do without proper equipment and thus proper funding, he had the start of a foundation that would really mean something. </p><p>When he came back, however, he had another thing on his mind: Marisa Coulter. For the past six weeks he'd undoubtedly advanced his research, but he had also spent a great deal of time fantasizing about what he wanted to do with Marisa in bed. That was crude, he knew, and he'd certainly been doing enough work to be able to forget about her, but he couldn't help it. There was something about her smile and the way her eyes teased him that drove him wild. He hardly knew her, but there was this magnetic tension between them that had captivated him and made it so he was, in part, very much looking forward to seeing her.</p><p>So when he finally ran into her at a small research talk he was part of at the Royal Arctic Institute a few weeks after his return, he found himself nearly breathless when he found her sitting on a sofa near the entrance. She was wearing a long golden dress adorned with a fur wrap-around that curled down below her chest. Her hair was twisted up and her makeup was more pronounced since the last time he'd seen her. She looked devastatingly beautiful.</p><p>"Hi," he said, stopping in front of her. She hadn't seen him coming this time, so when she looked up at him, he was able to fully enjoy her look of surprise and a buried trace of excitement.</p><p>"Asriel," she said, uncrossing her legs to get up. The golden monkey moved from her shoulders to the back of the sofa as Marisa rose to stand in front of him, smiling. "I take it you’ve found enough for a proper research talk?"</p><p>Asriel grinned at her, wondering if she’d also counted the time since they’d last seen each other. Nine weeks and two days. A little over two months, and she was just as beautiful and just as seemingly impossible. Stelmaria started purring as she dipped her head to the golden monkey. Asriel merely continued to gaze at her, relishing this moment. "Yes. And I daresay I'll most likely have many more, given what I’ve found."</p><p>He didn't know what made him do it, but it was at that moment he decided to reach for her hand. It wasn't to kiss it like he'd done before, as this time she hadn’t extended it, but to simply hold it, like a husband might hold his wife's. "I'm happy to see you again."</p><p>Marisa's smile faltered a little at the action. She gently removed her hand from his and then sat back down on the sofa, looking up at him with flickering eyes. "I can see that. Now, why don't you go get ready to present? I might have some questions for you afterwards."</p><p>Asriel grinned again. When he’d taken her hand, Stelmaria had been watching the monkey. He’d swooned, actually <em> swooned, </em>before the woman stiffened. She was pleased with this, then. She might be pretending otherwise, but whatever it was that he was feeling was real. And it was mutual. There was a strange tension between them now, strained and pulsating. </p><p>When he got up to read his paper and saw the crowd for the first time, he understood why she’d been acting the way she had. Seated in the front row were Marisa and the man with a chameleon daemon from before. His right arm was draped causally over her chair and his left hand rested lightly on her thigh. Her own hand covered his while she leaned toward him. But as Asriel gazed down at her and her daemon, he saw a careful wall of isolation swimming in her eyes. She looked as though she wanted to be anywhere but there.</p><p>He gave his speech and his presentation, which was met with initial discomfort but eventual acceptance and jubilation, as he’d known <em> just </em>which lines to cross without fully combusting the system. The entire time, he had Stelmaria watch her. The snow leopard watched her eyes gaze admiringly up at his data and his charts along with the way he was able to rally the crowd, and she also watched the way her husband absentmindedly drew circles on her leg and seemed disconnected from Asiel's work.</p><p>At the end, after shaking hands and engaging in chats about where he was headed next and what steps he had yet to fulfill, Stelmaria butted his leg when she saw Marisa's husband step away with some men from the clergy, their faces grim as they headed for another room. Picking up on it, Asriel spotted Marisa alone at the refreshment table and quietly slipped away from his admirers to go speak to her, everyone else absorbed in the aftermaths of the presentation.</p><p>"That was really something," she mused as he came up to her. He felt himself growing giddy again. He watched as she poured herself a cup of tea and added two lumps of sugar, and he watched as she stirred it gingerly before pressing it to her lips. He watched everything she was doing. A part of him cherished it since he knew he couldn't predict when he'd see it again.</p><p>"I appreciate that, Marisa. I could tell you enjoyed it. I'm glad that you're so keen with experimental theology."</p><p>"It really is a fascinating subject."</p><p>"The most fascinating and most misunderstood."</p><p>"I wish more people could understand its value."</p><p>"It's where all our future work should be directed."</p><p>"And I particularly wish that my husband didn't think you were a heretic."</p><p>Admittedly, Asriel didn't see that coming. Staring at her with her glittering blue eyes and her rapt concentration, he almost wasn't sure if he should believe it. Stelmaria was absorbed in watching the golden monkey groom his fur, and as Asriel continued to think about it, it made sense.</p><p>Her husband, he had found out, was called Edward Coulter. He was a political advisor in the King’s party as well as involved with the Magisterium. What Asriel had gathered was that it was Edward’s job to go around giving speeches supporting the Church's authoritative claims while pretending to be some kind of advocate of the people. He had his own public office and his own staff of officials, and he spent a great deal of time mingling with the people and campaigning to earn their trust and their obedience. Part of these efforts, it seemed, were also focused on academic events around London and Oxford. </p><p>As one with such direct ties to the church, it made sense for him to resist Asriel's research. What he was suggesting bordered close to scandalous, and if the entire city went around pressing these matters further, the entire Magisterium very well might find itself with more intellectual curiosity than it could reasonably squander.</p><p>But right there at that moment, he didn't care about Edward Coulter or the Magisterium. For Asriel, the only thing that mattered was Marisa Coulter. As he stared her straight in the face, he asked: "and what do <em> you </em>think, Marisa?"</p><p>She paused to consider him for a moment, her eyes lingering on his clearly agitated face and then on the twitching tail of his daemon. "I have no opinion of such political matters. But as far as your research goes, I think you're brilliant."</p><p>If there hadn't been a dozen or so prominent people still standing in the room, Asriel would have backed Marisa to the wall and kissed her until she screamed. He would have lunged for her beasts and taken them into his mouth, tact be damned. She must have sensed this jolt for she smiled and leaned closer to him, her minty breath flooding his nostrils. "I believe that there's a storage room in the back."</p><p>Before anyone had time to miss them, they made their way over to the very corner of the room and quickly opened the small, wooden door. Marisa went in first with Asriel close behind. When he closed the door and submerged them all in darkness, their bodies and daemons were close together in the compactness of the room. After a moment, he felt her hand gently touch his.</p><p>He bent down and somehow managed to find her soft, moist lips. She raised her arms to wrap them around his neck as he pulled her closer to him, her chest brushing against his. She felt light in his arms as she assaulted his mouth with her tongue. Her insistence was more urgent than he would have initially imagined, which made him smile against her. This felt right, in a deviously wrong, hidden-in-a-closet sort of way. He took his fingers and weaved them through her soft, silky curls, likely messing them up in a way she'd be angry about later. Her body was so warm and so comfortable wrapped around his. Asriel could also hear Stelmaria purring loudly from somewhere over to their left. Marisa moved from kissing his lips to nibbling the side of his neck now, and with an intake of breath, he wondered how he had happened upon something so great.</p><p>After a few more minutes, Asriel started to move his hands down Marisa's waist when she suddenly stopped him.</p><p>"We've been in here too long," she murmured, her face just in front of his. "I'll leave first and find Edward. You can leave after a couple minutes."</p><p>And as soon as it started it was over. When she turned away and reached for the door, Asriel leaned forward to place his face in the crook of her neck. "My next conference will be at Cambridge a week from tomorrow."</p><p>She made it to the Cambridge conference, her hair all done up in curls and her eyes complete with long, black lashes. He wasn’t presenting this time, so he was free to let his attention wander as he traced where she was sitting. Next to Edward, of course, whose chameleon daemon was basking in the monkey’s soft caresses. At lunch he’d noticed Marisa slip away, so he followed her. Right into the women’s restroom.</p><p>“Marisa.”</p><p>He could tell by the way she whipped full-on around and the way her daemon hissed that he’d genuinely surprised her. Now that he thought about it, ambushing a woman in a restroom wasn’t the smartest or most considerate thing he could have done. But he felt as though this were their only opportunity.</p><p>“What are you <em> doing </em>?” she exclaimed, moving to quickly look under the stalls.</p><p>“There are hardly any women here,” he laughed, stepping closer and feeling his breath start to hitch. “And I didn’t know how to get you alone.”</p><p>“Asriel,” she warned as he came up to her and traced her jawline with his finger. “I can’t be long. He’ll notice.”</p><p>“I’ll only take one minute of your time,” he said softly, moving in to capture her lips and drown out her protests. They’d taken three minutes, their mouths glued together as their hands wandered before Marisa pushed him away and then walked toward the door, fixing her lipstick smudges as she went.</p><p>“I really <em> did </em>have to use the bathroom, you know,” she fired at him as she opened the door and left.</p><p>The next time it was she who sought him out, at the Royal Arctic Institute a few days later. </p><p>"Good morning, Lord Asriel," she said to him as she came near his table, examining the skull of an armored bear displayed nearby. </p><p>"Marisa," he answered, failing to hide the splash of excitement in his voice. Stelmaria purred by his legs, her golden eyes locked on the monkey. "Out for brunch this morning?" </p><p>After small talk of her perusals in the archives and a special collection on display for the month, they were in one of the display rooms. He had her propped up on one of the information tables. </p><p>"He's here," she panted into him as his teeth threatened to rip into her neck and his hand moved under her skirt. "I told him I'd be back soon."</p><p>"You have to get better with your excuses," he gruffed in frustration, pulling his hand away from her. "We need <em> at least </em>ten minutes." </p><p>"Next time," she promised, her voice sweet and sing-song as she took his hand and pushed it back as she began to rock forward. "We also need to stop meeting places by chance. Now, kiss me."</p><p>As a solution, they'd fallen into a peaceable routine at the city's main library. Marisa would sit there and read during the day while Edward was at work. Asriel would just so happen to be reading in the same area, always on the other end of the table. They spent a lot of time just talking, about experiments and theories and arctic lores. Marisa was well-learned, Asriel quickly noted, which impressed him. She knew even more than he did on certain matters, which turned his impression into intoxication. He'd been attracted enough to her sexually, obviously, but their table conversations brought whatever it was between them to an entirely different level.</p><p>It didn't take long until one library visit found the two of them pressed together in an empty study room down the hall. </p><p>"This is too reckless," she was panting, hands on his chest as he unbuckled his belt. </p><p>"Too reckless?" he parroted back, laughing as the golden monkey fell into Stelmaria's dappled chest. "Don't deny it, Marisa. You fucking love this."</p><p>"I don't," she insisted, her breath catching as he swiftly pushed inside her for the first time. </p><p>"What were you saying now?" he breathed in her ear, pushing in again. </p><p>"I don't," she moaned back, wrapping her legs around his waist and leaning back. "I don't, I don't, I don't, I <em> don't…" </em></p><p>He couldn't look at her the same, now that they'd gone there. He was lost even further inside her grasp. Asriel could tell that it bothered her, <em> infuriated </em> her, after the one time he'd had her pushed against the restroom wall at a conference yanking at his hair and had blurted, " <em> Fuck, </em>Marisa. I love you."</p><p>She immediately froze and pushed him away, her blue eyes wide. </p><p>"Don't you ever say that to me," she snapped as she put her underwear back on and slipped into her heels. "You can't say that, Asriel."</p><p>So he didn't, as they sat together not only in the library but in museums and sometimes at parties or scholarly talks when Edward wasn't there. He didn't even say it the first time she'd gone home with him to his apartment, and laid tangled with him in his sheets as he made her reach her peak three times. But he still felt it, just as well as he could feel each of Stelmaria's every thoughts and worries about the sad, married woman and her tortured daemon. </p><p>However, after a while, she stopped attending conferences. He could understand well enough, as she told him as they read that Edward was growing <em> bored </em>of such things and it wouldn't be wise to pressure him into attending them. They had their books and their empty classroom rendez-vous still. </p><p>"Come home with me," he told her once they'd finished in a classroom. He was pulling his trousers back on as she smoothed down her dress. </p><p>"I can't, unfortunately," she sighed, not looking at him as she jumped down from the desk and retrieved her underwear from the floor. "Busy night tonight, you know."</p><p>"Marisa." He caught her wrist as she went to move past him, causing her to look up at him. Blue eyes pierced gray. "Are you alright?" </p><p>"Of course," she laughed, but Asriel knew from Stelmaria that the golden monkey was so incredibly sad. "I need to find my shoe."</p><p>"You can tell me, you know," he said to her, feeling his grip tighten on her. </p><p>"Asriel." It was a warning, and he let go, although he followed her over to where her shoe was. </p><p>"I feel like you've been avoiding me," he began, but before he could finish, Marisa whipped around to face him with a long and heavy sigh. </p><p>"Let's not do this," she said. "You knew exactly what you were walking into. I'm married, my husband is high in politics, and I can't be available for your every whim."</p><p>"I know that," he returned. </p><p>"But do you?" Marisa's voice was agitated now as she continued to look at him, look <em> through </em>him. "It feels like you want more than this, Asriel."</p><p>"Don't <em> you? </em>" </p><p>He didn't mean to say it. The question blurted from his mouth the moment he'd thought it. They'd been playing this game for nearly three months now and he couldn't help it. If she were anyone else, he'd be able to take her to parties as his date, and introduce her to fellow researchers without strained pretenses. He didn't realize how much he wanted that until he thought about how he couldn't have it. And it stung, despite his brutish nature. He didn't want to hide it anymore. </p><p>At first her eyes clouded as she gazed at him, torn between pain and something almost resembling guilt. Guilt that she was married and couldn't have him, Asriel wondered, or guilt at having ensnared him into what she thought was a casual relationship only for him to go ahead and ruin it all? He heard Stelmaria whine from the corner where she lay with the monkey, but he couldn't turn to look at them. </p><p>"Oh, Asriel," she sighed, coming back over to him. Her hand was soft as it found its way to his face, brushing over his stubble and tracing the outline of his jaw. Her eyes flickered at him quickly, now inscrutable. "It doesn't matter what I want, or what you want. It is what it is. I have to go home to my husband tonight."</p><p>That wasn't an answer. He knew it and she knew it. Yet they both continued to glare at one another, each a reflection of the other's stubbornness and reluctance to admit just what it is they wanted. </p><p>"I really do have to go now," she finally said, taking her coat from the desk and heading for the door. </p><p>"You're more than just a quick fuck to me, you know," he called out to her, watching her stop before she reached for the doorknob. "I can't help that I feel that way. And I can't help but think you might feel that way, too."</p><p>She said nothing at that. Not a single word. She lingered another moment before turning the knob and exiting the room, her daemon on her shoulder and her dress flowing in her wake.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Asriel falls deeper in love Marisa only to suddenly have her disappear from his life.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <b><em>o3.</em> </b>
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    </em>
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</p><p>Asriel was hopeless.</p><p>He’d determined as much after the fourth or so time they’d been together, and confirmed it with the rest. It was one of those things you just knew, as they said, when you’ve found something bigger than you could ever contain and too powerful to control. It was like opening a book on a topic you know nothing about it and feeling the sheer intensity of it wash over you. Marisa was that book and he was its hopeless reader, trying to gain a more secure hold with increased time spent on it. </p><p>It was when Edward was away for an entire week that the severity of his hopelessness (or was it helplessness, he wondered?) started to set in.</p><p>“You can come stay with me,” Marisa had told him over coffee one morning, their books laid out but abandoned at the little cafe by the library. “Edward sent all the staff on holiday, too, after I told him I might like to visit my mother and brother for some of the time.”</p><p>“Why don’t you visit your mother and your brother?” he asked her, gazing at her from the other end of his coffee mug.</p><p>She laughed at that—light and sweet. Like summer. “Don’t be ridiculous, darling. I’d rather sit through twelve of Count Marquis’ lectures on synergy than spend time with those two.”</p><p>She didn’t talk that often about her family, which he respected. Asriel had his own share of family drama that he wouldn’t voluntarily ever wade through. But he found it interesting how casually she mentioned it now, as if he knew all about it and it would be boring to explain. As if they were together, and he knew things about her life as people who were together knew. </p><p>“I will have to take some time to consider your offer,” he said next, clearing his throat and giving her a deep, over-the-top nod of his head.</p><p>“Do you now?” she mused, tilting her head at him. “Lots of other offers on the table?”</p><p>“You couldn’t even imagine,” he answered, feeling his mouth ease into a smile. “The more mistresses you have, the more husbands’ schedules to keep track of.”</p><p>She kicked him then from under the cloth-covered table, her face serene but her heel sharp against his shin. He must have visibly winced, in addition to Stelmaria stopping her continual pur, for she then slipped out of her shoe and placed her foot on his leg, massaging it gently.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she pouted, moving her foot from his shin to between his thighs. "That was most unkind of me. Will you please still consider my offer?" </p><p>"You're quite persuasive," he said, breath stopping short as he flexed her toes around his most sensitive spot.</p><p>Two days later he was standing at her door, dressed in his Sunday best (a faded black suit, to be fair) with his peeling brown suitcase by his side. He supposed they were in a honeymoon sort of phase of their affair, mirrored almost exactly here as a week away together away from their regular routine. She opened the door to greet him, smiling wide and reaching out for his bags. She was wearing a loose-fitting robe, and when he was safely inside the house, she shrugged out of it, practically jumping into his embrace as he picked her up and moved blindly across the rooms.</p><p>She cooked for him, too, like a proper newlywed wife might do. As she fiddled around the kitchen to make meatloaf and potatoes, he couldn’t help but laugh.</p><p>“Have you ever cooked a day in your life?” he asked her, watching as she puzzled over how to turn the oven on.</p><p>“Not exactly,” she answered, finding what she was looking for and releasing an “aha!” as the oven whirled on. “But I'm confident I can figure it out. I'm much smarter than all those bimbo housewives, you know."</p><p>"Indeed you are," he simply responded, wondering briefly how this might feel if they were actually married and could do this any time they wanted. Stelmaria purred her agreement from the side of the table, her paw flexed against the monkey's chest. </p><p>"I wish you didn't have to go."</p><p>It was the last day of their retreat and he was laying in her bed. <em> Edward's </em>bed, really, which for the past several days was more or less Asriel's bed. </p><p>"You're torturing me, you know," he told her, touching her nose lightly and moving his hand to cup the side of her face. Blue eyes twinkled peaceably at him. "You can't say things like that, Marisa."</p><p>"Why not?" she asked. With a dramatic sigh she closed her eyes and snugged closer. "I'm allowed to have my wants. I'm allowed to want you to stay."</p><p>"Just as I'm allowed to love you, then?" </p><p>He felt her stiffen in his arms, just as Stelmaria felt the monkey start to shake in hers. It wasn't to be unexpected, of course. That was Marisa's number one rule: never fall In love. It sounded preposterous, as it was the tagline of a ridiculous American film he'd seen once. But she'd meant it, and had set it as a clear parameter of their entanglement. And it killed him. </p><p>"Not this again," she sighed, sliding away from his grasp now. "We've been over this."</p><p>"No,<em> you've </em>been over this," he insisted, turning on his side to fully face her. "Let's be real, Marisa. What am I doing here? What have we been doing all week?" </p><p>"Have you entertained temporary memory loss?" She was prickly, because she was uncomfortable. Asriel knew her well enough by now to know the cause of every thorn. </p><p>"Look at me, Marisa."</p><p>"No."</p><p>
  <em> "Marisa." </em>
</p><p>She turned her head, as if by instinct, and he was lost in her. Lost in her eyes, her frown, her hesitancy, the smooth silk sheets her husband bought for her, for <em> them </em>. He was so utterly lost. </p><p>"You don't want to love me, Asriel," she finally said, voice quiet as her eyes continued to bore into his. "There's nothing good in it for you."</p><p>"Let me be the judge of that."</p><p>He spent a long time hugging her and holding her close, feeling in some part of his soul it might be the very last time. At least for a while. And for her part, she returned his embrace, her lips fluttering to leave kisses on his chest and his neck. </p><p>He knew she'd keep a low profile upon Edward's return, but he hadn't expected her complete disappearance. </p><p>She stopped coming to the library, where she'd joined him Monday through Friday practically every week for close to sixth months. She'd warned him of this at first, kissing him long and deep as he went to leave her house saying she'd see him in a few days or so. He'd waited for her, patiently, until two entire weeks passed and he heard absolutely nothing. </p><p>It was if they'd never had a routine to begin with and Asriel didn't know what to think of it. A month flew by and he'd heard from colleagues that Coulter and his wife had been at such-and-such meeting promoting such-and-such cause. Asriel really didn't know how to feel. Stelmaria tried to calm him, telling him not to worry and she must have a very good reason, but Asriel knew better. She was doing this to get even with him. She was punishing him. Or, as he increasingly worried, she'd finally grown <em> bored </em>with him, after playing house for a week and spending months doing the same old things with him. </p><p>His research started to bog down on him at any rate, and while he spent hours poring through records and data with no one there to ask him about it and to take his mind off it, Asriel wondered if she was merely a dream.</p><p>One cold night in London, though, she seemed to reappear from the mist. As he made his way back from a meeting, Stelmaria trudging along in his shadow after a tiring day of research, he saw her come out of a church.</p><p>She was wearing one of her full-length fox furs and was clutching a bejeweled purse. Her heels clicked loudly against the gravel of the sidewalk as her voice carried. She was telling some sort of joke, he gleaned. About pianos. As they grew nearer, Asriel found his heart filling with both anticipation and bitterness. Stelmaria uttered a low, rumbling growl, and Marisa noticed him just at that moment, her eyes glancing his way as if only by happenstance. </p><p>When the group finally appeared from around the corner (they were with another couple, an older man and woman), it was Edward who stopped and approached him, a wide, fake smile on his face. "Asriel Belacqua! What are the odds of running into you? How are you doing?"</p><p>The sound of the brute's loud, chipper voice was enough to make Asriel vomit, but it was the intense stare of Marisa that encouraged him to go along with it. "I'm doing very well, Edward. Thanks for asking. How are you? Just coming back from mass?"</p><p>It was the aristocratic way to take one of even semi importance out for drinks after running into them. The older couple refused, as Asriel supposed they could, but he didn't have the same luxury. Since they were somewhat far from their home, Edward allowed Marisa to join them on their outing. They stopped at some posh bar at the center of the city inside one of the more formidable hotels, and as the three made their way over to the bar, Edward ordering himself and Asriel Tokay while ordering Marisa some kind of fancy fruit cocktail, Asriel finally looked at her. She avoided his gaze as she ran her fingers through the golden monkey's fur. She proceeded to smile and laugh with Edward as he told some kind of bland, over-used joke. Asriel wasn't really listening, and when their drinks arrived, he took his glass and drained it all in one gulp.</p><p>"My lord, Asriel," said Edward, laughing awkwardly as Asriel tapped on the counter and asked for a scotch. "Had a rough day, have you?"</p><p>"You couldn't even imagine," Asriel answered, trying his best to talk to Edward without his eyes wandering to Marisa. "You'd think that being an explorer would make you used to long, fatiguing days, but I guess I've lost a bit of my edge."</p><p>When Edward drained his own glass and ordered another, his smile started to become more natural and his laugh more light-hearted. Asriel could understand what Marisa saw in him. He was a crooked politician, to be sure, but underneath the title and its influence, he seemed like a clever, witty gentleman eager to talk and share his experiences. He wasn't that breathtakingly handsome, especially for one of Marisa's beauty, but he wasn't completely ugly. Asriel could get it. Perfect way to ride the rungs of the ladder without selling out to a sugar daddy. Marisa had hardly touched her drink, and when Asriel waved down the bartender for his fourth, the thought never occurred to him why Edward had really brought him there.</p><p>"So, tell me," Edward was saying, turning to look at Asriel fully. "We've been hearing some awful rumors about that research of yours, and I'm sure there's more than what the newspapers say. What are you <em> really </em>planning to do up there in the North?"</p><p>Perhaps it was the alcohol, but Asriel found his seemingly subtle interrogation to be completely amusing. He let out a loud, hearty laugh, and as Stelmaria pricked her ears and blinked a lazy eye at Edward, Asriel just couldn't keep it in. "So tactful, aren't you, Coulter? Are you asking me if I'm committing heresy with my work?"</p><p>For the first time in a while, Marisa finally spoke. "Edward, darling, I'm starting to feel a bit of a chill. Would you be so kind as to go get my furs from the coatroom?"</p><p>Caught between two rather abrupt demands, Edward eyed Asriel carefully, hesitated for a moment, and then stood up, smoothing down his suit. "Of course, my dear. Asriel, if you'll excuse me."</p><p>When he was gone, Marisa quickly switched seats and had her face very, very close to Asriel's, her blue eyes hard. She was wearing that perfume that he liked, and her breath was as fruity as her cocktail. "You don't want to do this, Asriel. Tell him what he wants to hear and then go home."</p><p>Sitting there with her like that, he drunk and she completely sober as her husband was off getting her coat for her, Asriel didn't know what to think. Of course there was still a part of him that found their close proximity to be simply tantalizing, but it seemed that an even larger part of Asriel found himself disgusted with her, as well as embarrassed. And hurt. </p><p>"She finally speaks," he said after a few beats. "Where have you <em> been </em>, Marisa?" </p><p>"Not now," she whispered, eyes darting toward the door. "Please, Asriel, just shut up and leave. You don't want to get stuck in this."</p><p>"Now you care?" he fumed, aware of Stelmaria baring her teeth at a very helpless golden monkey. </p><p>"<em> Yes, </em> " she returned, eyes fire, and for a second he almost believed her. He <em> wanted </em>very much to believe her. </p><p>"You're a liar," he scoffed instead, laughing as her face fell into a familiar grimace.</p><p>"Call me whatever you want, but listen to me. Leave. And don't talk to him again."</p><p>"Be quiet, Marisa." He paused and glared at her, all of his frustration and heartache pouring out in one, single moment. "This is a matter between two men, so you should understand your place and stay out of it."</p><p>He knew he went too far the instant he said it. He felt her cold surprise and betrayal before it even entered her face. The golden monkey screeched from his perch on her chair, and as Stelmaria let out a burp and Asriel continued to gaze at her, words choked in his mouth, she said: "I expected more from you."</p><p>She then pulled away and returned to her seat as Edward came back, holding out her furs and helping her slip inside. Asriel sat there reliving what had just happened, and when Edward sat back down with a good-natured smile in a "now where were we?" type of manner, Asriel stood up, pushing his glass away. "I'm sorry, Edward, but I really have had too much to drink. I'm sorry for my candor, and if you'll excuse me, I must be going."</p><p>There were a few words of protest, a few more of understanding, yet more offering compliments and good wishes, and then Asriel was off. When he finally got back to his apartment and finally was able to lie in bed, his body screaming for him to sleep and to never wake up, he couldn't stop thinking about her. He'd been so rude and so careless, but she'd been equally as heartless and ruthless. It'd been a month with no word from her, and she didn't think he'd be angry? She didn't think he'd mind? Didn't offer an explanation? </p><p>And then there was the very real betrayal of telling her to mind her place as a woman. He hurt her feelings, and she was angry. Very, very angry. And if there was one thing he knew about Marisa Coulter it was that she didn't take well to people making her angry. And, as he recalled, he'd angered her in the one way he promised he never would. </p><p>So as he kicked his shoes off and climbed under the covers, Asriel thought about what it all meant. Perhaps he had reached too far out of his league, and perhaps he had gambled too much since she was the wife of the clever politician with some kind of agenda against him. Perhaps he was overthinking it. He sighed, Stelmaria grunted from her place at the foot of the bed, and all Asriel could do was promise to drown himself in research tomorrow and the next day for as long as it took to get Marisa Coulter out of his mind.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Asriel thinks less of Marisa as he meets a nice young woman named Vanessa.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for the delay on this! As I noted earlier, I am rewriting this story from a version I had published before, which requires some fairly major reorganization of later chapters. I've been working on that and am pleased with some new plot developments that are in the works.</p><p>Anyway, I hope you enjoy this! I just love Masriel and their weird dynamic so much, and I'm a sucker for jealous Marisa.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p><b><em>o4</em></b>.</p><p>
  
</p><p>Asriel was buried in a pile of books at the very end of the library. It was about two o'clock on a Saturday afternoon, and the library was the only place he'd been for days. He'd brought books and reports with him from the Royal Arctic Institute. Of their massive collection of Northern research were some of the most under-studied and under-published materials in the entire world, and if Asriel was to go back to the North with any more improvements and any more success, he simply had to read and absorb all of it.</p><p>Stelmaria leaned lazily against his leg beneath his study carol as she groomed her chest and smoothed out her fur. He tapped his foot occasionally, a side effect of being deep in thought. As he recorded notes and copied figures and tables, he was really starting to feel tired. One could only take so much.</p><p>"Excuse me," said a soft, high-pitched voice. "Are you Asriel Belacqua? Asriel Belacqua of Jordan College and the Royal Arctic Institute?"</p><p>Slightly jolted, Asriel looked up to find a woman standing next to his desk. She had darker brown hair twisted down in a braid, and her eyes were a deep shade of green, almost like a shadowed forest. She was wearing a longer navy blue dress with short sleeves, and her daemon was a panda that stood pleasantly at her side, his round eyes gazing up at him.</p><p>"I am," he said, still gazing at her. "And who are you?"</p><p>"My name is Vanessa Houser," she said, eagerly sticking out her hand. Amused, Asriel extended his own and took it, smiling at her. It was becoming more and more common for women to start doing as men do, like by attending college, giving lectures, and even writing books, but shaking hands was a most modern way to introduce oneself. Indeed, Vanessa had a very young, contemporary air about her, and as Asriel shook her hand and felt her give her own firm squeeze, he found himself intrigued.</p><p>"I've just started at Queen Mary's," she continued, obviously sensing his surprise and curiosity. "A couple weeks ago, actually. But I'm eager to get started."</p><p>"Good for you," said Asriel, closing his book and turning so that he was facing her. "Which field do you think you'd like to go into?"</p><p>"Experimental theology," she answered almost at once. "I'd like to one day transfer to St. Sophia's in Oxford, to continue my studies there and be closer to Jordan. And hopefully go to the North." Her cheeks turned slightly pink, as if she had caught her own eagerness, but she continued to smile. Her daemon gave a small, happy grunt as well. "There's just so much to discover."</p><p>"I completely agree. I've been delving into it almost my entire life, and I still can't believe how much is still out there to be discovered."</p><p>"Oh, I know all about your research. You're the one who studied the Rusakov theories up in the North a few months ago, and they say you're bound to make some real meaningful contributions in the field. I read all your papers, and I –" She then stopped suddenly, her face an even deeper shape of red than it had been before. Stelmaria started purring, her eyes narrowed, and Asriel found that he just couldn't stop smiling. </p><p>She looked to be rather young, perhaps only eighteen or so, but that didn't really mean much of anything. Asriel himself was only twenty-six and had attended Jordan at twenty, which was considered young for a scholar. He was the last person to judge a person and their merits on their age. In fact, he could have sworn that even Marisa was no more than twenty-one or twenty-two.</p><p>Just then he realized what he had thought, and it made his heart sink a little lower. It had been a month since their encounter at the bar, and he hadn't seen her since. He didn't run into her at the library, and she didn't go to any parties or talks he'd attended. Though she was no doubt being petty and playing fast with his feelings, a part of him still ached for her company. They'd spent a lot of time together over the past six months, since he came back from the North. Feelings like that don't come or go easily, and it was all just too much to think about.</p><p>Stelmaria bumped his leg, and Asriel looked around to see that Vanessa was staring at him. She was looking at him expectantly, her green eyes shining, but Asriel didn't have the slightest clue of what she had said.</p><p>
  <em> She asked what you're reading and what you're currently working on. </em>
</p><p>Bending down to pat his daemon's head, Asriel replied: "You know, I was sifting through some books about the ancient Tartars of Svalbard and any of their connections to the Aurora, but I've hit a hard spot with it. Would you care to join me for some coffee or some vodka to talk it over?"</p><p>She let out a short, crisp laugh, her eyes crinkling. "I would love to, although it's a bit too early for me to go with the alcohol."</p><p>After that, Asriel found himself spending more and more time with Vanessa Houser at the London library. She was at the mere beginning stages of her education at Queen Mary's, which consisted largely of studying calculus, elementary physics, natural and organic chemistry, and certain elements of anatomy and biology, but Vanessa still wanted to dive into experimental theology, with which Astriel was happy to assist. She was bright, he thought, as she'd mastered complex ideas fairly quickly. She was also a good and obedient learner, going back to problem sets and trying again and not getting upset with him for correcting her work. That was one thing Marisa was never able to do, he'd think every now and then, before growing sad again. </p><p>She became his sort of protégé, studying with him after her lessons and asking him about all of the various components of their field. They'd often have coffee over an intricate discussion and examination of various particles, and sometimes they'd eat sandwiches over the various textbooks of the Royal Arctic Institute, wiping away the crumbs while exchanging guilty smiles. Vanessa wasn't able to become a member of the Institute, but she was allowed access through Asriel, and he made sure they utilized their resources well. He felt a strange calling to teach her and to teach her well. For the good of the field and its future bright minds. </p><p>He'd even invited her to attend her first conference, which completely enthralled her. </p><p>"I can't believe I'm here," she breathed, gazing at all of the smartly-dressed men standing around with their cigars and stacks of notes. Asriel had introduced her to a few people, talking her up as any good academic mentor would, and had taken her over to the bar to give her a real sense of a scholarly drink. </p><p>"Everyone <em> drinks </em>like this while conducting their talks?" Vanessa crinkled her nose as she sipped her brandy, causing Asriel to laugh. </p><p>"It wouldn't be a conference with it," he simply smiled, nodding to someone who'd nodded to him upon walking by. "Makes you wonder how anyone gets any good thinking done."</p><p>It was fun, showing her the ropes like this. Asriel never would have thought he'd have the patience to be a teacher. He was rather rash and impulsive in his work and in his life, but something about Vanessa made him feel more generous, more patient. It didn't hurt that she was quite beautiful, of course. She had a tall, curly athletic build with shiny light brown hair and the most exquisite green eyes. Asriel tried not to think about it too much, though. She was too young. Plus, the drama with Marisa made him not want to get into anything, possibly ever again. But he was still a man, after all, and couldn't help but notice. </p><p>One day, as Asriel and Vanessa were bent over a Muskavian textbook dealing with rare particles and elements of the very far North, Asriel happened to be looking up from his book to catch the eye of someone standing a few feet away.</p><p>She was standing there with a teal, slim-fitting dress and one of her light furs draped over her shoulders, as slim and poised as ever. Her curled dark hair trailed down toward her chest, and her blue eyes were locked intensely with his. Her daemon was standing still, his tail not making even the slightest of movements. She seemed to be waiting for him, her eyes flickering dangerously. </p><p>"Asriel, what do you think of –"</p><p>"I'll be right back, Vanessa."</p><p>His heart pounding, Asriel pushed back his chair and stood up, Stelmaria slipping out from under the desk to join him. Vanessa looked over at him, her face slightly puzzled, but Marisa Coulter had already slipped out of sight and into an empty study room. Asriel was quick to follow. </p><p>He hadn't seen her in nearly two months now, and when he followed her into the study room, making sure no one was looking, he didn't know what to expect. He felt Stelmaria's mistrust and his own misgivings about whatever it was that she wanted, but above that, he felt that tight sensation in his chest. He'd felt it every time he saw her, be it in the storage room some two feet below them or near a bookshelf merely ten feet behind him, and he knew what it meant. Though he'd told himself he was done and that Marisa Coulter had been nothing but a mirage, he was still irrevocably taken with her. He was <em> excited </em>as well as surprised to see her after all this time. And the thought of being alone with her made his head suddenly swirl.</p><p>"I see that you've been having a productive couple months." Before the door even closed, she was right in his face, her complexion a delicate shade of reddened white. </p><p>"Marisa," he answered coolly, keeping his gaze steadily on hers. "It's nice of you to resurface."</p><p>"Tell me, Asriel," she continued, ignoring him. "Did she flatter you with compliments? Did she tell you how incredibly intelligent and handsome you are?" </p><p>"Jealousy is unbecoming of you," Asriel chided, taking a moment to look at her. She was very, very angry. More than she'd been the last time he'd seen her, and insulted her. </p><p>"I'm not jealous," she spat back. </p><p>"You are. Why else would we be in here? And how do you even know I've been studying with her? From what I can tell you haven't stepped foot in this library for two months."</p><p>"Did you sleep with her?" She stepped closer, her eyes fire as they burned into his only an inch or so away. The golden monkey was shaking, too. Asriel could feel her breath on him now. It was minty and fresh. He suddenly wondered what she'd do if he kissed her. </p><p>"I don't see why it's any of your concern." He stepped away at that, breaking whatever connection they'd just had. He was purposely keeping his voice calm and uninterested, but he inwardly felt very passionate about the issue. Who was she to criticize what he'd been doing outside of her company? Wasn't she the one with a husband? Wasn't she the one who had conducted an affair? Wasn't she the one to suddenly cut it all off without even a warning?</p><p>"Tell me," she insisted, closing the distance between them again. </p><p>"How's Edward been?" His eyes were cold. "Pregnant with his child yet? Prepared to be a mother and hand your child over to the Magisterium?"</p><p>At that she slapped him - <em> hard </em>. He probably deserved it, but it still hurt. Stelmaria let out a growl, and Asriel put his hand over his cheek, feeling it start to welt already.</p><p>"The nerve! How you dare! I can't believe this, Asriel. I really can't."</p><p>"Marisa," he said, "it was one comment." She proceeded to storm around the little study room, the golden monkey jumping up and down on the wooden desk. "I shouldn't have said it, but there's no need to throw a temper tantrum over some measly comment."</p><p>"Comment?" She turned back around, glaring at him. "This isn't directed towards the comment, Asriel."</p><p>"What?" Asriel was really starting to feel irritated now. She'd been nothing but belligerent, and it wasn't the exact kind of reunion he'd pictured in his head. Frankly, it was pure and utter insanity. "I don't know what you're doing, Marisa, but I was a fool to follow you in here."</p><p>And indeed that's how he always felt – the fool who took the temptress' bait and came back every single time she dangled a worm at him. For all those months he'd gathered hope and courage at her smiles and at the batting of her eyelashes and at the feel of her body pressed against his. Though her actions had promised to be involved in something real and something meaningful, it all felt like a trick.  Nothing about her seemed real. </p><p>As he turned to leave, his hand reaching out for the door, she called out: "I can't believe you're cheating on me."</p><p>At that, he stopped. Stelmaria straightened her tail and flexed her claws. Asriel slowly turned to face her again. "What did you just say?"</p><p>"You heard me." Her face flushed, Marisa closed the distance between them once more. "You and I are having an affair, yet you're fooling around with that despicable excuse of an understudy."</p><p>This was too much. It was all too, too much. Staring at her, hoping that she'd somehow suddenly start making sense again, Asriel just shook his head. "You've gone mad, Marisa. I don't know what else to say to you."</p><p>With that she leaned forward and kissed him, grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling him to her. Genuinely shocked, Asriel just stood there as she thrust her tongue into his mouth and then ran her fingers through his hair and over his face. It felt familiar yet foreign to him, like a memory of something he wasn't sure had actually happened. Her movements were fueled by greed and had a possessive edge to them. She then pressed her body tightly against his, hand wisping over the front of his pants, before pulling away again. She then looked him directly in the eye.</p><p>"This is <em> our </em>affair, Asriel. Leave the girl out of it."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Marisa reappears in Asriel's life.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I am basically completely rewriting this story from fragments of what I had before, which is quite the rhetorical challenge! I'm enjoying it, nonetheless, and just love spending more time with these characters. :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <b>
    <em>o5.</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>
      
    </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just like that, Marisa was back in Asriel’s life—as thoroughly complicated as ever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The day after their confrontation in the library he saw her browsing books near where he and Vanessa were sitting. She was running her fingers along them casually, biting her lip slightly. Asriel did his best not to look. He focused fully on Vanessa instead. She was struggling with multivariable calculus, as it was no doubt trickier than one variable calculus yet essential for the kinds of calculations an explorer needed to be able to do in the North. She was working through her textbook, with Asriel as her patient and diligent tutor, when Marisa locked eyes with him.</span>
</p><p><span>She was smirking at him, and he could almost hear what she was saying: </span><em><span>how does it feel to be someone’s </span></em><b><em>teacher?</em></b> <span>It amused him more than it should have, so he turned away from her and back over to Vanessa, taking a look at her work and pointing out a step that she’d missed that ended up derailing the entire thing.</span></p><p>
  <span>When he took a break to go to the restroom, it wasn’t a surprise when he saw Marisa waiting for him by the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Marisa,” he said coolly, attempting to side-step her. But she smiled as she blocked his way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you doing?” she asked sweetly, as if they were running into each other on the street and not from her careful calculations. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have to pee,” he grunted, attempting to brush past her but finding her arm slink to grasp his and turn him to her. The </span>
  <em>
    <span>way </span>
  </em>
  <span>she looked at him just then: greedy, ravenous, insatiable. She leaned in and kissed him lightly, however, tilting her head up and falling into him. In spite of himself, his arm clutched hers and he simply stood there before she abruptly pulled away and headed back toward the stairs, the golden monkey blinking after them in her wake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He then didn’t see her for several more days until a conference talk at one of the London colleges. Vanessa wasn’t there since she was in class herself (he knew her schedule quite well, he realized just then), and Marisa was keen to make the most of that as she came up to him during the hor d'oeuvres. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All done with your tutoring today?” she asked, her voice mild but her eyes taunting. She was wearing a silver dress with a large dip at the bust. Her hair was all done up in a curly up-do and she wore large, dangling earrings that almost touched her shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re unbearable,” he simply gruffed. She smiled as he picked up a deviled egg and crab from a server walking by.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You dribbled,” she observed, moving to wipe a piece of egg from his mouth with her handkerchief. Her touch was light, like air. It sent a shock through his entire system. Even Stelmaria felt herself jolt, moving to shake her fur and look at them with narrowed eyes. He also noticed the shift of Marisa's cleavage as she bent toward him, bending down every so slightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Want to find a closet somewhere?” She was leaning against the table, looking over at one of the paintings on the other side of the room. All the while, she moved closer to him, as if by instinct. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can't be serious."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"As serious as a Jordan Scholar."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughed, because he couldn't help himself. She hated those boring old men just as much as he did. She smiled at that, her eyes soft as she turned back around to face him, gaze lingering at his lips and then flickering downward. He cleared his throat, however, and then walked away from her. Stelmaria looked back to see the woman and her daemon gazing after them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Asriel could deal with these annoying flirtations well enough, but when there came a knock on his apartment door at 12 o'clock in the morning a week or so later, he could barely stand it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hello," Marisa said as he opened the door. She had an umbrella tipped over her shoulder, with her daemon curled up on the other to avoid the steady falling rain. She was wearing a long teal trench coat that glistened with rain drops. He couldn't tell what she was wearing underneath, if she was even wearing anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No." He went to close the door, but she stopped him, pushing her way inside so that part of her was blocking the door frame. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We need to talk," she insisted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Not at this hour of the night, Marisa. How did you even find my address? I moved recently." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You act like that's a hard thing to find out."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What are you doing here?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"To talk to you, of course."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What about Edward?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What </span>
  <em>
    <span>about </span>
  </em>
  <span>Edward?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes were hard and her nostrils flaring then as she glared up at him. Her umbrella was tilted back due to the door and the rain was starting to catch in her hair. The golden monkey clung pitifully to her shoulder, trying to harbor refuge under the now-abandoned umbrella. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was an absolute mess. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Asriel," she said, quietly, lowering her eyes. "Don't make me beg."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was her tone that most concerned him. She sounded bitter and defeated in a way she never had before. So, ignoring the waves of alarm coming from Stelmaria, Asriel stepped aside and let her in, quickly scanning outside to see if anyone had spotted them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Is he hurting you?" They were sitting in Asriel's living room now. His new apartment was by no means fancy. He had only the bare essentials since he traveled so much to Oxford and the North and other colleges across the county. It would seem like he barely lived there at all, with the little furniture he had arranged. Marisa was sitting on his couch, a cheap gray one bought second-hand, while Asriel sat upright on a dining table chair he'd pulled over from the other room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Not physically, no," she mused, sipping the tea Asriel had offered her. He remembered how she liked it: two lumps of sugar. It bothered him that he remembered that, and that he cared enough to do it right for her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But emotionally?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes." Her eyes flitted over to his briefly, as if measuring him. "He's quite the drunk, really, and he yells and says things he shouldn't. But I'm not concerned about that."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Then what is it, and why are you here?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled at him at that, genuinely. It was as if she'd been waiting for him to ask, even though he already </span>
  <em>
    <span>had. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The golden monkey was inching closer to Stelmaria as Marisa sighed and cupped her tea. "He wants to move, Asriel."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Move?" Asriel stated blankly at her, not quite knowing what she meant. Plus, he was tired, and he was finding it hard to focus. It was always hard to focus around her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"</span>
  <em>
    <span>Move," </span>
  </em>
  <span>she emphasized, smile gone now as she leaned closer. "Out of London. Out of Brytain. To Geneva."</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Asriel was quiet for a long moment then, gazing over at her. He could hear the ticking of his watch repeat over and over again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"When did he decide this?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"A few months ago."</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A few months ago. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Stelmaria put it together first, her ears pricked as she considered the woman and the monkey. </span>
  <em>
    <span>When Edward was out of town. When she then completely and utterly abandoned us. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"Is that why you've dropped off the face of the earth?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was angry, perhaps more than he should have been. She was clearly upset, but so was he, and he </span>
  <em>
    <span>hated </span>
  </em>
  <span>how it was always because of her. It all fucking revolved around her. Even though he wished it didn't, it did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What do you have to say about it?" she asked instead, ignoring his question to prioritize her own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Nothing, I guess." He heard Stelmaria growl, quite possibly at him. "You go where your husband goes, isn't that right?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don't you </span>
  <em>
    <span>care</span>
  </em>
  <span>?" she was standing now, her heels clicking on the scuffed hardwood floor of the living room and her chest bouncing up at the sudden movement. The monkey screeched at Stelmaria, shuffling on his feet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Marisa," he said, uncomfortable. He couldn't quite look at her. "You need to calm down."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Look at me, Asriel." She was closer now, and Asriel looked up to see the intensity of her entire being. He felt it, too. Straight to the heart. "Look at me and tell me you don't care."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I can't say that." His voice was low as he shifted his gaze away. "You know I can't say that."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Then why are we doing this?" Her voice was softer now as she came closer. Asriel felt her hand rest on his knee, her touch light.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Doing </span>
  <em>
    <span>what, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Marisa?" He felt like he could hardly breathe, with her being as close as she was to him, and the severity of the situation settling in. Her perfume swirled around his nostrils, making her impossible to ignore. He finally looked at her, seeing the emotion flickering in her blue depths. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You know what, Asriel," she insisted. She curled her hand up on his knee, gathering some of the loose fabric of his pajama bottoms and squeezing it tightly. "Why are you denying me?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm not!" He whipped himself up to glare down at her now. Stelmaria let out another growl, at all of them. "Can't you see, Marisa? </span>
  <em>
    <span>I've </span>
  </em>
  <span>never been the one to deny </span>
  <em>
    <span>you! </span>
  </em>
  <span>It's always </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> who deny </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span> and then pretend I don't exist once you've had your fun!" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's not true," she argued. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It is and you damn well know it." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You're just too absorbed with that damn undergraduate," Marisa spat, rising to stand with him, their glares locked together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Vanessa?" he scoffed, feeling his voice fall into a bitter laugh. "</span>
  <em>
    <span>Please, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Marisa. She's basically a child."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"A child with big tits, right?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You're obscene." Stelmaria growled again, so loud that every being in the room stopped to stare at her. Even the monkey stopped his steady crawl closer to her, his black eyes rounding as he crouched back. "Absolutely out of line, Marisa. Can you tell me what this is all about or what?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I just can't live without you, Asriel."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It came out and then the room was suddenly quiet, after having just echoed around their raised, shouting voices. He was still breathing heavily from his anger, and she was now staring wildly at him, her mouth slightly open and her eyes as wide as he'd ever seen them. Asriel was beginning to wonder if this all was indeed some sort of twisted dream. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Marisa," he said, softly, but then she shook her head at him, backing away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't know what I'm even doing here," she snarled, moving to pick up her handbag. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"</span>
  <em>
    <span>Marisa!" </span>
  </em>
  <span>He was holding her shoulders like they did in the old movies, his hair falling out of place and her body curved neatly under his. Their daemons were together now, hissing and clawing at each other in the ways their humans verbally had moments before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don't </span>
  <em>
    <span>look </span>
  </em>
  <span>at me like that!" Actual tears littered her eyes now as she glared up at him. His grip slacked and she wiggled away, standing up again. "I won't be pitied."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I would never do that to you," he countered, hotly, but she cut him off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I just thought you should know that I most likely will be moving soon," she said curtly, moving over to the door and snapping for the monkey. He whined as he looked over at her, his hand still buried in Stelmaria's fur, but then slowly limped back to his human. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All Asriel could do was stare. Simply stare, aware of his heart twisting as he watched her walk away from him like this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As always, though, she had to get in the last word. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You're not a quick fuck to me, either," she said over her shoulder to him, lingering one more moment before gathering her umbrella and her daemon and heading out the door. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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